Yayyy…It’s Saturday. Another wedding to attend and slay with your 60k asoebi. Make up on fleek! Gele on fleek! Before you step out, I need to tell the younger ladies some truth. Okay Ladies, now let’s get in FORMATION. Okay Ladies, now let’s get INFORMATION!….prove to me you gat some co-ordination….*end scene*
So let’s get some real talk today. Most ladies had to deal with some frogs before they kissed the prince. In my single days, my relationships were laced with sheer naivete and that got me burnt(boo hoo hoo). By the books, I was the girl you are supposed to take home to Mama but it never played out smoothly like in the fairy tales until the perfect time came for Le hubby to take me home. Now I’m older and wiser and I think some youngsters should hear this. Dem say advice no be curse.
I shy away from talking about relationships because each story is peculiar to each individual. I don’t believe there is a one-size-fits-all advice for getting hooked. e.g Some people practiced celibacy in their courtship and it still didn’t lead to a successful marriage while some were successful. On the flip side, there has been crazy meet-ups and one night-stands that are celebrating 10 years wedding Anniversary happily while for some it was a recipe for disaster. One thing I know though is that guys who are not ready to take your relationship to the next level have one thing in common- Excuses! As a young chick, older ones can see the signs sitting down but since you are love struck, you never see them. You buy into those excuses and make excuses for them. I’ve heard stories and sifted experiences from mine and close friends and I must say, these are glaring alarms telling you, you guys ain’t going anywhere with the relationship.
- Long-term engagements: This is the most dangerous because he puts you in a headspace that you are ‘Iyawo‘ but 10 years down the line, you are still answering ‘Iyawo X’. Obviously, the spirit that made him buy engagement ring is not rich enough to buy you a wedding ring. If he can’t even take you to court and do the needful rites, he is not ready. If you are in such, better rethink, my sistren. Sometimes his reason would be, he needs to do a big wedding that you deserve, so he needs all the time. Tsk tsk… Story!!!
- The Hot-and-Cold-Shower Tactics: These ones will be over-loving one day, the other days they are picking a fight with you. No reason justifies such mood swings. You find out you did nothing wrong but he goes incommunicado on you. Obviously, he ain’t crazy about you.
- The ‘My family said…’ tactics: Suddenly, he’s telling you how his Mother told him in a dream not to marry an Itsekiri girl. Oh, who’s the Itsekiri girl in the room? Wow, it’s you!…and he needs to fulfill his mother’s dying wish? eeeya…Koko! Just move on, no need. If he loved you enough, ethnicity, social status etc won’t be a barrier.
- The Study- leave tactics: It seems this one is very common because alot of people have ranted about this. He tells you he needs to travel for his Masters and he’d be going abroad for 2 years. He doesn’t want to (at least) get you engaged before leaving. Rather he tells you to socialize and be happy so that he can be happy. Atleast he didn’t waste your time by engaging you. So give him a pat on the back for that. Now, say to yourself, “I’m single and free”. He ain’t dating you anymore. Don’t even deceive yourself with long distance relationship except there is a clear objective towards making the relationship work but if he says you all should not be exclusive during that time because “he is being realistic”, please he is not the one.
- The Ones who can’t define a relationship: So you get him to call you his girlfriend but he keeps saying things like, “I’d do something on your head….” A girl kept saying how her long term boyfriend will do something on her head and I told her “Is it jazz he wants to do on your head or he means a traditional rite?” If it’s a traditional rite, let him spell it out. ” I want to see your parents and marry you traditionally”. Believe me, it’s that simple.
Some of these might look familiar to you while some may not be your case. Bottomline is; a man who is ready to take you to the altar has less drama and less time to waste. In some cases, the ones who are this straight forward to you are serious-minded but you just might not feel anything for them which you can’t force. As for those who you love and they don’t come straight about it, chances are they are not sure yet (nobody is ever sure even at the altar). The difference between the guy who proposes and the one who doesn’t is that he feels you are worth the risk to jump into the ship called Marriage with.
I keep saying that life ain’t fair on us women. We get things going, education, healthy living, soul- searching, knowledge-wealthy and after all these, someone subjects us to waiting for his proposal. I am not in support of the woman who proposed to a man but it is just sad that marriage is still a major objective. Yes I am married and it is a beautiful thing when it’s with the right person but ladies, stand tall. In all you do, stand tall. Looking forward to getting married should be for companionship and not to define who you are. There will be more pressures if you let life’s pressures dictate your life. First comes the community needing you to get married. Then, the need to have your first child. (for some, a vehement need to have a Boy 1st child). Then second child. Then third. Some, fourth! Then the need to stop having children. The need to make sure they all be the top in their class. The need to be a career woman and a hands-on mom. The need to be everything and all to your family and friends. The need to bask your parents in moderate luxury at least. The list is endless. Before you get to all these demands, let us get the beginning right; be self-content and run for good when you see the signs of a time-waster.
Disclaimer: I am not a relationship expert. All description here are vague excerpts from general knowledge in regards to relationship.
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