Dear young, naive and Beautiful Bubu,
This has been a long time coming. It’s your ‘Thirty-somethingieth‘ birthday today, so what better way to mark it than give you some needed advice? (just in case you get a second chance in life to be my age again).
A lot has changed here, at least I know your lady lumps are not as perky as they used to. Now Listen, and listen real hard to some hard truth and facts. This will get you prepared for what’s to come.
Mama always told You, “Always be prayerful”. She told you too often, so much you thought it was more of a cliché and her tagline. Well, Life is sweet but could be hard sometimes. You are gonna take that advice and run with it.
I know you just got into the university and you are going to church meetings every other day. It takes you close to God but keeps you far from your goal grades. Babe, have Sense! Always strike a balance. Besides, school is for school.
Those cheese balls you kept chugging in, in school. Let’s just say with two (failed) gym subscriptions, epileptic jogging habit and serial dieting, you’ve still not gotten your body back. You see, it’s really hard losing these pounds. There’s a new diet they call ‘Keto’. No, not ‘ghetto’. Well, one thing I know your heart’s gotta be ghetto to sustain Keto.
If you know what God has in store for You, you would let go of all the fears, insecurities and just let God lead you. Just the way I advice you to let go of that Nokia 3310 you hold so dearly because the phones you have now, do about everything.
You said your world is crazy? Wait till you get to mine. There’s this big distraction now called Social media. It’s a crazy place. You laugh, cry and show all kinds of emotion there. We have the judge and jury in there too, slandering left, right, centre. People ain’t private anymore, they just let stuff out. Smh.(I bet you are wondering what smh is. It means ‘shaking my head’. You’d be seeing alot of social abbreviations as you grow). In this world now, Boys do boys, Girls do girls and in some part of the world its legal. Sad and unbelievable! Marijuana is now legal in some parts too. Being naked is the norm. People do very heavy makeup like Geishas. People don’t see eye to eye anymore because their faces are buried in those smart phones I talked about. Mad people don’t roam the streets anymore, they just dress up and call themselves Kaitlyn Jenner and Bobrisky. When you hear these names, flee!
Remember how you swore you wouldn’t date, how much more marry a man from your place? Honeychild, not only did you marry a man from your place, you can actually take a stroll down to his village from yours. Hahaha. The joke’s on You!….and you have two gorgeous kids together.
You have no business looking to date at 18. A wrong Relationship always rears its ugly head with time. It’s always love until it gets complicated. A man who is serious about marriage, gets it done without a fuss. No drama, No excuses. I’d advice you use your “singlehood” time for more profitable things, like building an app called Facebook. Trust me, if you do that, you’d be a billionaire.
Your favorite girl group, Spice girls, is now called old skool.*faints*. I just can’t wrap my head around it but darling, they are now called ‘pop classics’ a.k.a old skool. There’s a new age of music I am still trying to understand. Good music dies when you get to 25. Whitney Houston dies, Michael Jackson dies. Even in Grey’s Anatomy, Dr Derek ‘McDreamy‘ dies eventually. I told you Shonda Rhimes could not be trusted.
Oh, NEPA rebranded to PHED….. but there’s still no constant power supply in Nigeria.
The Queen of England is still not dead and she’s still staying fresh. Prince Charles looks like he’s tired of waiting om the crown, so he’s looking older now.
You’ve not met Oprah yet(deep sigh)…but soon darling…soon!
Anyway, I wish I could tell you more but I do something they call ‘blogging’, where you are supposed to write interesting and (not-so-long) posts on the internet so people can read….so I have to stop here. Come to think of it, you dreaded the thought of being my age but nothing’s changed that much. You’re still gorgeous. So happy birthday to us, baby!
Ps. Apologies for the picture quality. Couldn’t get a hold of my pictures.
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