Are You A Social Media Zombie? Find Out!

It’s a typical dawn of the day. You’ve run through your to-do list over and over again. You’ve promised yourself that this time, things would be done. Your alter ego scornfully laughs at you. Yimu! Nonetheless, it’s overtly visible that you have to make an important call before mid day!

Why da’ hell is my phone still not 100% charged after an all-night charging?”. You watch as anonymous messages stream into my phone. “Haba! Who be these ones na?”… Bombarding your phone left, right and centre. Apparently, Someone had put you in a chat group without your permission, without a clearly stated mission. As numerous people drop comments per second, showing their disgust as they leave the group, the notifications come too often that you clearly struggle to figure out how to leave. “Pheeww, finally…done! Yeah, it’s time to make that call.”

Your  facebook-lensed eyes sites  52 notifications.

*taps on notification* “Oh it’s Cynthia’s birthday? Let me go hola on her wall…. It’s Belema’s and Obi’s as well? Seems everybody’s born on this day.”… I literally have 7 birthday wishes  to write on their timeline. “Don’t forget to love and comment on their personal birthday posts”, says the red devil waving its fork my way . “After that I’d make that call”, I said to myself. And as usual, the sinister red thing gave me a correct ‘Yimu‘.

Now, you’re scrolling, liking, loving, laughing, and exploring all the emojis on different posts. An irresistible must-watch video surfaces. You spend 12 minutes watching it. Another video resurfaces…..”What kind of a nonsense video is this one? How can a dog be twerking? Hahhaha, it’s kinda funny. I’m going ahead to read comments”.

*20 minutes later* “I can’t believe I’ve read over a hundred comments on this. Did they say that dog belonged to Kenya Moore? The same dog Oge Okoye posted? I need to confirm this on Oge’s instagram page and really see if they are the same. I’d make that call after this.” There you go again!

You go to Instagram and totally forget what brought you there in the first place. “Oh, I’m just seeing the notifications on my instagram post. Totally forgot. Awww, this particular comment is soooo worth replying. Now I’ve replied this one, every other person would think it’s unfair if I don’t reply theirs too. There you go, replying to forty comments, one by one. After that you’d make that call Abi?….Village juju have started beating drum for you.

*Gets more indulged on instagram* “Oh my goodness, what’s everyone up to on instagram?”

*Some funny videos pop up*. “Everyone’s having an A-game on snapchat except me. There filters are mote interesting. I need to explore this app.” After a solid hour, You Finally get a perfect snap story and post. Yayyy! You’ve  achieved something today!

Now, you probably have about  23 remaining notifications. 8 people sent you invitation on Criminal case. 4 on Candy crush. “Why not go for CSI audition or Nickelodeon audition than to be disturbing my life here ehnnn?”

*Downsized to 11 notifications. 4 friend requests.* Who da’ hell is “Harbimborlar”? Oh okay. This must be Abimbola. So what’s with the trend of over-spelling names? I’m not too sure if it’s the same Bimbo I know. She used to be dark-skinned. This lady right here is snowhite! I know about the instagram’s clarendon effect but this one has to be a visit to Bobrisky’s kingdom. Wow! It’s the same person. Ok nau.…accept! The rest, I don’t know you. Few notifications to go and I’d make that call.”

You stand up from your WC and find out your legs feel worthless right now. Oh Yes, you’ve been on that seat for a Long time now.

*Notification from Bubu’s Boulevard just comes in*

Oya na, let’s see what she whipped up today. I love her style but sometimes she can use some big grammars. Which one is “laissez-faire?”

*rushes to google to check the word* “Meanwhile, I really need to make that call.”

*Amazon ad pops up and your shopping brain lights up*….”I totally would love a pair of these bum shorts…and a beach hat….and Some nice pair of sunglasses.” and you shop and put in cart for hours, things you won’t even buy eventually.

* while shopping online, the alarm goes off*

It’s Mid  Day!!!! Where did all my time go? Did I make that important call? NO!!! Oya, clap hand for yasef! You are truly an IT specialist.

How many of you have been in these shoes? There’s a growth in the number of Social media Zombies. Are you one? You need to set your priorities right. My two cent!

Disclaimer: This was inspired by different experiences from different people. No particular person’s life was used here. No real names were used here…..except Bobrisky’s. Lol



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1 Comment

  • Reply
    August 2, 2017 at 4:49 am

    please how do i start engaging people on Twitter? Do you know?

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