How to get the Spark back in your marriage

Okay, I am not an expert here. Knowing everybody’s happy times and sad times in marriage are peculiar to each, I’d only share what I think generally should work, especially since it’s from a lot of research. In fact there will be a disclaimer at the end of this post.

When I was single, I looked forward to being married for a lot of cool reasons but when I got married, I realized you gotta work, work, work, work…work *in rihanna’s voice*; to make it the way you want it. Most couples would tell you they had a honeymoon phase but overtime the spark started dwindling. No one is blaming anyone here because in the actual sense what comes with marriage can quench out any splinter of passion. A lot of things come to play, if it’s not the bills, it’s the kids or chores. For some, it’s the case of just being down right unappreciative of your spouse or the see-finish syndrome. Not mutually working through this rut has caused high divorce rates. Some play it down by becoming strangers in their own home and seek contentment outside. Some just stay and die silently. Praying about it is good but if you don’t put any effort towards it, you won’t yield results.

Do you know any person going through this or are you going through this? Look to your neighbor, say “Naaayyborr! Epp haf come!”  With these tried and true nuggets , you are sure headed in the right direction and by the time you know it, you’d be ringing your boss, taking a sick day off just because you want to stay home with your darling.

  • Communication: Koh-miu-ni-kay-shun!!! This is preached about everywhere but people still undermine its power. Your spouse is not Aya Matanga or a mind reader. Your spouse is a human being. You like something, say it. You don’t like something, say it! No, don’t keep a long face, just say it. I think it’s safe to call it witchcraft, when you with-hold your thoughts from your partner, only to use it against them when they least expect. When your heart is free from grudges, you’d start appreciating the partner you married. You would laugh a lot and not hold back. This is the most important key. Other points to be mentioned here, will still lead you back to this one.
  • Compliment and appreciate each other: This should come to you effortlessly but if it doesn’t, put an effort. Tell her how cute she is in that dress and how you can’t wait to rip it apart. LOL. Tell him how blue looks good on him, how that beer-tummy is becoming a washboard ab, even if it’s not close. Also appreciate tasks carried out by your partner towards building the home. Those things make you want to do more.
  • Dress for each other: Remember how you’d dress to impress your spouse when you were newly weds. Better go and think and start re-doing all that. No tying of wrapper everyday. Dress cute for him and yourself. If he wishes, go skimpy. For some men, one-boxer-a-week routine? Mbanu!  If you let yourself go, you are letting your spouse go.
  • Do something sweet when less expected: You could bring her some flowers at work or at home. Naija women be like, “na flower I go chop?”. Yes, I’m among the 1% of Naija women that love flowers. I got my first bunch from hubby and  I just couldn’t brag enough. I told anyone who cared to listen. I was so shy to post it on Facebook before bad belle people start. Give each other gifts not cos it’s their birthday or anniversary. It could just be because it’s Tuesday and you are special. You could go old -skool and pen down lovely thoughts to your partner. Or you could say it in a text or a sext { I assume you know this,if you don’t, go look it up.}. Texting shouldn’t only be about getting groceries and picking up the kids. If you go through your train of text message exchange between you and spouse and you don’t find one lovely text out of ten, you need to step up your game.
  • Go down memory lane: Dust off that wedding video, watch it and reminisce. Play your favorite song together (it could be your wedding song), listen and just go back in time. Find your once-upon-a-time favorite spot, go there and just let those flown out butterflies get back into your tummy.
  • Date Nights: Yes, you should date your spouse all over again. Call grandma or a trusted person to take care of the kids. Find that favorite spot or new spot, go out to dinner in a nice restaurant, watch a movie, just hang out. You can take it up a notch and book a hotel room for a weekend. Away from chores and away from the kids. Also, being in a hotel room, there is excitement when you know you aren’t rushing to make dinner or do one chore after sex with your spouse. You can throw your feet up, cuddle up and let the room service be at your beck and call.
  • Just do it!: Yes, go with the Nike slogan and just do it! Tired? Not in the mood? Just do it. The endorphin released during sex will calm those nerves and get you in a good mood. According to Sex Psychologists, it reduces anxiety and  high blood pressure. What are you waiting for? Don’t be a stranger in your own bedroom. Explore. Communicate. Practice your new skills in the bedroom and don’t be shy about it. To get things steamy, Psychologists emphasize on “Role play” and being unconventional with the place and timing for sex. Enjoy every bit of passion shared and be the honeymooners again. You deserve it! “Somebothy, shout harllerluryar!”

Disclaimer: *Pheeeewww* Talking about this wasn’t as easy as I thought ‘cos I visualized my mom reading this. LOL. For marital issues, it is best advised that you meet a marriage counselor . Take mine with a  pinch of salt……some lime and tequila!


Image Credit: Mr&Mrs Esentia

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  • Reply
    June 18, 2016 at 1:20 pm

    lol@see-finish syndrome. This is such a hilarious,inspiring and educative write up.Thanks for emphasising these secrets that really aren’t so secret ;).The easiest part of every marriage is the falling in love and saying I do. Love is not just enough most times .It has life, it needs nourishment. You both need to make constant conscious effort to nurture it or it will die.Like they say a grass is only greener on the other side if it is watered or it is fake.

    • Reply
      June 18, 2016 at 1:35 pm

      Excellently said! A round of applause to my picture model . Couldn’t get my eyes off the picture. Thanks. xx

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