This Daunting Task Of Finding “Mr/Mrs Right”

I was watching a TV show called “Married at first sight”. It’s a show where three potential married couples are created. A team of Psychologists, Sociologists, Spiritual adviser and Sexologist does a ground work and match two individuals by their seeming similarities/compatibility and set them up to get married at the first time they are seeing eachother. This is crazy! I was so nervous for them. They were literally shaking as they anticipated what awaited them on the other end. Two out of the three couples had an instant connection amidst the nerves. While the other couple had a lobsided situation; the guy was into the lady (don’t wanna use the word ‘love’ here yet) but the lady wasn’t into him but played along because he seemed to be a great guy in person. To tell you how this was so funny, these people were still asking eachother questions to familiarize with eachother while exchanging vows. Oyibo sha! One of the three couples went as far as consummating their marriage on their wedding night while the others decided to wait a while and see if ‘love’ kicks in before giving in.  I am a hopeless romantic and I could see the connection but mehhnn that’s so risky, leaving your marital fate in the hands of a match making team.  This also made me remember Big Brother Africa Housemates, Tanzanian representative Mwisho and Namibian representative, Meryl. They got so connected to eachother that they just decided to get married in the house and didn’t care to wait to see how things pan out outside the house. Luckily, they are still happily married. These got me thinking. So is having a soulmate real or just a myth? Or in the case above, just for TV? Have you been so connected to someone and you just go ahead without doing necessary background checks? After all, ‘Love’ sees no wrong.

The Church ‘leader’ admonishing youths in church on how to find Mr/Mrs Right puts this connection in a vague context; “When I saw her, I just knew she was the one”. Till today, that statement still sounds vague to me. Was it that you saw her in your dream or heard ‘The still small voice’ call her name thrice? Dear Leader, While we awe in that eery mystery of you being psychic about knowing your spouse, I’d also try to assume that you loved her voluptuous figure, her gap teeth and her soprano voice. It’s okay. Those could be factors too, No lie! If your encounter was totally spiritual, please describe that ‘spiritual’ knowing. And please don’t make things worse by saying, “I don’t know, I just know”. *straighface*

Here are some helpful truths to consider while spotting a potential partner, asides being prayerful(yes, you will need prayers) and intuitive.

  • Physical attraction, though downplayed in the church, is as important as social and spiritual factors: If you doubt that physical look doesn’t come to play, ask the Pastors who seem to always have the finest lady or the most sonorous in the congregation(at that time), as wife. Ofcourse, other attributes come to play but their eyes dey chook. Na who no like beta tin. 
  • Common sense is not a luxury but necessity here: I’ve heard cases where youths (male and female) are adviced to put the pictures of their supposed spouse in a bible and pray. Some take it to the altar. Well, if that worked for you, that’s fine. But I’m here to say sometimes choosing a spouse just requires common sense.Am I attracted to this person? Am I compatible with this person?Can I handle the inlaws? Can this person fit into my vision in life? Can we help eachother in the faith and goals?Answer these in black and white and half of your confusion is solved.
  • It is totally okay to feel apprehensive, scared or totally oblivious of knowing your spouse is ‘Mr/Mrs Right’: It is not a prerequisite for a disastrous marriage just like ‘a perfect knowing’ is not a prerequisite for a great marriage. I remember meeting hubby for the first time. It felt surreal how someone could so fit me. We hit it off at hello. If I solely believe in having a soulmate, that was it. We practically loved the same things.  At this point, I should be thinking we could work but being spiritual about it I was a bit apprehensive. I kept expecting something supernatural to happen. Probably, his face showing in the cloud would have sealed the deal for me that he was my husband. Lol.  Well, it didn’t happen. All I did was use common sense and ask God to back me up in making the right decision. Years down the line and I’m happy we made the right decision. Infact, if there is a perfect timing to say “he is the one”, this is the time because I’ve lived with him and can’t imagine life with someone else. Did I have that ‘spiritual’ knowing from the get go, No! All I knew was how we were attracted to eachother and how compatible we are which formed a basis to WORK the relationship.
  • Being spiritually inclined is good but ‘overspiritualizing’ things will do you harm: I’ve heard of partners who have no business marrying each other, being joined together because “Pastor said he is my husband” or “I saw him untie my chains in my dream”. Well, it’s good to know he rescued you, ‘Miss damsel in distress’ but are you even attracted to this person? Are you even compatible? When things don’t work out, you’d wonder why God gave you a wrong partner. No, He didn’t. You manipulated yourself into thinking that He did. He actually gave you common sense to choose right. Same goes to the guys.  Be spiritual, intuitive but use your common sense too. Somebothy shout Harllerluryar!

So to you, How did you know your spouse was the one?

How did you meet him/her?

Was it love at first sight? ‘Marriage at first sight’? Or did you swear he/she wasn’t the one and he/she turned out to be the ‘perfect one’?

Do soulmates exist or having one is just idealistic.


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