This has been one of the most controversial topics since the inception of cell phones. Since 2001 till date, it’s still a conundrum for some. We’ve all been there; your partner’s sleeping or in the shower and his/her phone’s just staring at you, screaming ‘come, get me!’. Sometimes, it starts with just looking at features on the phone with your halo on, only to grow two horns and a tail and suddenly, there’s a need to pry. I had to do some research, asking ladies and guys if they would snoop through their partner’s phone. I had interesting answers and strong views.
Some detested the act and called it a pure act of distrust.
Some said it’s best not to avoid HBP. Suggesting the ‘Ignorance is bliss’ mentality.
Some said it was okay, if they knew something was wrong in their gut.
Some said it is okay if they are married, but not when dating.
Some said, it’s okay once in a while to keep things in check.
Some said it is pure breach of privacy and the snooper deserves to be kicked off.
Some have the openness policy (free access to passwords and private info of eachother) while some couples build boundaries on that, either lopsidedly or mutually.
Pheewwww! It all boils down to curiosity! But has this curiosity caused more harm than good? My Uncle once told me, when you snoop through someone’s phone, you must find something, not because the ‘snoopee’ is guilty but because the ‘snooper’ has fashioned the mind to see something. When someone snoops to intentionally find out something, even a “Happy birthday dear” message to an opposite sex would translate to “Happy birthday, I love and miss you” because the mind is already messed up. I know the guys are happy because it seems the snooping agents are the ladies. Don’t get your hopes high ‘cos matter of fact research shows that 32% of women snoop, while 64% of men snoop. Hmmm.. and you call us the weaker vessel. Hahaha. From all my research, these are the reasons why you should and should not snoop through his/her phone. I’d list it out here and leave you to your conscience to weigh.
WHY YOU SHOULD NOT SNOOP THROUGH YOUR PARTNER’S PHONE
- You are breaking trust in the relationship: If you don’t feel like you can trust your partner, why are you in the relationship anyway? One of the simplest, most fundamental reasons why you shouldn’t snoop is because you’re breaking the trust in your relationship with one bad decision. It’s hard to come back from something like that, and what happens if you don’t find whatever you went searching for in the first place?
- Snooping makes you untrustworthy: When you snoop on your partner, you’re untrustworthy. Even if you find something, you’re no better than your partner, because you’re keeping secrets too. And if you find nothing to assuage your suspicions, then you’ve just crushed the trust in your relationship for no reason.
- It says more about you: Usually people snoop when they’re insecure. Being insecure is neither a fault nor a sin, but giving in to the urge to spy doesn’t speak well of you. Be open with your partner and reveal your fears before you take this drastic step. If there’s anything going on, you can likely intuit the problem without spying; if there’s not, then your partner can help with your insecurity while perhaps working on the behavior that’s exacerbating your feelings in the first place.
- Every one deserves privacy: How would you feel if your partner snooped on you? Innocent or guilty, you both still deserve privacy. If your partner is talking to an old friend or even a former flame, he or she might be keeping it from you, rightly or wrongly, so you don’t feel jealous, get upset, or end up with the wrong idea. There’s not necessarily anything going on, and even if there is, you deserve to be told rather than ferreting out the information yourself.
- It’s addictive: You would want to do it again and again. Even if you don’t find anything suspicious when you check, the act of checking has now become associated with the feeling of relief. So every time you seek relief, you may feel the urge to do so through snooping.
- It’s a lose/lose situation: If you check your partners phone or email you are faced with the dilemma of having to deal with the outcome of your actions. If you found nothing, the relief you feel will quickly be replaced with guilt and now you are stuck with the uncomfortable feeling of knowing that you violated the privacy and trust of the person you love and they’ve done nothing wrong. If you actually do find something that indicates wrongdoing you have to decide whether to confront the person (and admit the fact that you did something unethical/illegal) or sit in silence while the knowledge eats away at you. Both of these sounds like pretty awful situations to be in.
WHY IT’S OK SOMETIMES TO SNOOP
For the sake of those who strongly oppose the first group. Here are some reasons they gave, why you should:
Looks and hearts are deceptive: It is better to know the intentions of your partners heart beneath the smiles. Generational truths and secrets have been found out by this Inspector Gadget move.
The gut feeling: Feeling that something is wrong and you know it.
“My partner’s phone is my phone”: It’s believed there’s nothing to hide so it is not even termed snooping.
So where do you stand on this? You want to hear my take on this? Here’s my perfect example:
Remember the first Nollywood movie “Living in Bondage”? Let’s assume there were mobile phones then. If ‘Merit’ had snooped through ‘Andy Okeke’s phone, Merit would have found out about his intentions to use her for rituals and would have run away. But on the flip side, there wouldn’t have been a captivating movie that paved way for Nollywood today. LOL. So, to snoop or not to snoop, It’s still a conundrum to me! Oya just ask your partner for his/her password, let this matter end. *Silence*…. Nepa don take light!
Source: allwomenstalk.com, huffingtonpost.com
- Please share your opinions about this matter in the comments section.
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