You know a lot of Men, especially Spouses of Women marvel at how we(Women) keep complaining about how we don’t have clothes to wear when obviously our wardrobes (even walk in closet) are full with them. I remember how my Dad would point at the stacks of suitcases of my Mom while she laments that she needs
I remember in December 2016, I decluttered my closet in Nigeria just so I can see what I really had and what I lacked. I thought that was my spiritual peak but yours truly didn’t still let go some items and I added more along the way. That’s the typical life of most women. We love to have, we love to keep. If you are like me, displaying traits of my zodiac Sign, you’d know Cancerians are emotional with everything….including clothes. Sometimes we become hoarders. That said, to break that look of confusion each time your lady says “I have nothing to wear” while looking at her overflowing wardrobe, I’d like to take you on a slow walk through her closet and explain what she really means. Breaking it down to simple categories.We (most women) have:
- Those Clothes that do not flatter us but we keep: Why buy them? You’d ask. Well, let’s say the spirit of impulse buying came upon us or a girl’s best friend, SALES, showed up. We grab every good-looking thing just ‘cos we could get it cheaper at the time. After wearing it once, still in the euphoria of having a new dress, we see nothing wrong with it giving us an awkward look. Later, we see the problem and just dump it in there.
- Those Clothes We are emotionally attached to: These are clothes that probably were worn on memorable events e.g On first dates, On graduation, On the wedding day. Wedding gowns fall into this category but let’s narrow it down to regular dresses. Most times you really don’t have occasions to wear these outfits again but you just can’t ‘dash out’ that bright yellow embroidered lace gown especially when you remember how you almost cut Tailor Gbenga’s throat for almost not making it in time to wear on your big day.
- Those expensive clothes We just can’t let go of: Tell a Rivers woman to discard her PoPo, the thunder that will strike you will tie two wrappers. It’s like telling a Fashionista to throw out her Hermès bag. Aru-eme! Be it a symbolic traditional attire or a modern day outfit, we just can’t toss out that very expensive dress even if we wear it once in a blue moon.
- Those ‘Asoebi’ that were forced down our throats: Honestly, some Asoebis we didn’t plan to buy make the list too. Whether planned or unplanned, some look good enough to keep but funny enough are rarely worn.
- Those Once-upon-a- time trendy clothes We keep hoping for a comeback: Oh yes, laugh. I remember keeping my ‘palazo’ trouser from when it was trendy. In my defence, I loved the feel of it. I think it was made of sturdy silk. By the time it came back around, I had gone two sizes up. Thank God I wasn’t spotted wearing the same pants more than a decade apart. I remember tossing out some beautiful chokers of mine after hoarding it for years. Few months after I trashed it, it became a trend. I then understood R.Kelly’s pain when he crooned, ‘If I could turn…turn back the hands of time…”
- Those Undersize clothes We hopefully look forward to fitting into: Yes, those size 10 clothes when you obviously are a size 14 or 16. Let’s call it the motivation clothes.
- The Event Clothes: Those Clothes we wear only on special occasions or period e.g. Evening dresses, Winter Jackets, Choir dresses, Sports jackets, the ‘Freakum‘ dress etc
- The What-was-I-thinking- Clothes: If your woman hasn’t decluttered her closet, this category is likely to be found. From gold-frill shoulder padded jackets to that Neon-green blouse of yours that landed you on the front page of fashion magazines when color-blocking was a trend. Well, these have to go!!! The lilac cheap-looking organza bridesmaid gown has to go too. Dayuummm!
- The Stressful but beautiful clothes: These are clothes that are just so gorgeous to have but really stressful to put on and just carry on with your day. The white bell-bottomed pants, the bodycon dresses, The gorgeous but low-waisted jeans (making you pull up all the time), the super selective print pants etc.
- The actual practical clothes: What a coincidence that this is the 10th point when I want to emphasize that this category is most likely 1/10th of your entire wardrobe. These are the easy, flattering, cute, spot-on clothes. They are few, my brethren. They tend to be worn more often. That’s why you’d see someone own 15 pairs of jeans and constantly rock 3 pairs. Apparently the other 12 pairs fall into the other categories.
Sooooo, when Madam/Babe/ Shaniqua says she doesn’t have clothes and you are staring at a closet about to burst, just nod in agreement. You could take it up a notch by giving her your card for a shopping treat but trust me, even after that trip, those clothes might likely or eventually fall into other categories instead of the 10th. We are just wired that way. Muuhahahaha!! *villain laughter*
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